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i havent written since september ... nor have i had any desire to. awful mood. my life consists of school work and cheerleading - i rarely see jay or my friends. and when i have a chance, "there are weather alerts" wrapping the car around a tree would be absolutely splendid. i took for granted every saturday night sitting at home spooning on the couch, seriously i want to crawl in bed at 3:55 on a tuesday night. i dont want to deal with one more bullshit comment, remark, or gesture. absolutely every single person has pissed me off but you in the past weeks and no, heaven forbid i get to see you. i hate work, its boring and i get paid shit. but in the end its like i accomplished something without needing a huge reward, that whole growing up thing? right. schools too overwhelming. im so sick of doing homework and needing those 90s. or meeting anyone elses expectations. cheerleadings going to be really good this year, i guess, i mean your self esteem has sky rocketed and you need the attention of even the girls basketball team, but its cool. not even just cheering, everyone - everyday. i think the fact that everyone being ridiculously conceded has thrown me over the top and if i say one thing to one person its not only talking behind anothers back but being hypocritical because youre exactly the same. not gonna lie, youre not that special. i cant stand how people are so full of themselves and have to give other people shit so they can feel better about themselves. "you do it too" um no. if im gonna say someones fat its because theyre fat, i dont need to be all like wow im skinnier than they are, because im probably not. or wow theyre ugly, i dont think im in the least bit special - but im not gonna be completely fake and say i like something when i dont. sorry. if i dont like you, im pretty sure you know it. im so sick of people. none of this made sense - you dont make sense.
i'm just so tired. wont you sing me to sleep and fly through my dreams? so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place, have a new name and face. i just ain't the same without you here. late night drives, all alone in my car. i can't help but start singing lines from all our favorite songs and melodies in the air.
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erika31's journal